What I mourned this Tish'a b'Av

On Tish'a b'Av, we theoretically all mourn the destruction of the Beit HaMikdash.  What we are really mourning is the lack of respect among Jews, that led to the destruction of our physical contact with HaShem. "בית חרב החרבתי" says HaShem- it was already destroyed when he allowed it to be burnt physically.

A wise taxi driver once pointed out that there is no point in davening for the rebuilding of the Beit HaMikdash as long as groups of Jews will not daven there with other groups of Jews.  And he is right.  Here in my own neighbourhood, there are shuls that will not allow a man with "the wrong headgear" to be the Shaliah Tzibbur.   There is a hessed organization which was started as a separate entity, rather than joining forces with the one that already existed, because they will not allow certain people of certain political leanings to be on their board.   Not surprisingly, there is no local body of rabbanim comprised of all the local rabbanim, because some will not consider the others to be rabbanim.

On the other hand, there are some who model respect for others, even when thy disagree.  This past week, in one of those parsha-sheet SMS shu"t, Rav Aviner was asked how one should relate to the "rabbanim" of Beit Hillel (a group of rabbanim who feel that it is imperative to teach the lenient sides of halacha).   Rav Aviner's answer was : take the word rabbanim out of quotation marks.  They are real rabbanim, even if we don't follow their psak.  In fact, Rav Aviner, who is extremely stringent in most every area of halacha, is a member of Rabbanei Tzohar - an organization of Rabbanim who can match the Sanhedrin Of Old for differences of opinion, AND for willingness to respect each other and work together.

I don't believe that unity equals uniformity.  12 Tribes of Israel are all supposed to have their own customs and their own ways of life.   120 members of Knesset HaGedola do not all agree on psak, and only when the Sanhedrin fully passes a psak, is that TRULY Da'at Torah that one may not swerve from it to the  right or the left (even if they are "wrong").  But the Sahedrin did not give psak on how long sleeves must be or what colour kipa one may wear.  In fact, there  is not even consensus on how long after shekiya is Shabbat out - which could technically mean that according to one opinion, what the other is doing is punishable by Karet.  And yet, for that other person, with his other Rav and Psak, it is not assur at all.    The Sanhedrin did not have to give final answers on many issues, because they obviously felt that is okay for different Jews to do different things, as long as they are doing it in the name of HaShem.  

And so I try to imagine, now that the fast of Tish'a B'av is behind us, and we all hope to mark next Tish'a b'Av as a holiday, a situation in which everyoen simply shows RESPECT for the other opinions.  (Yes, I know that I have to work on this one, too.  Do you want me to pretend that I am perfect , telling everyone ELSE what to correct???)   To paraphrase my friend GG on the issue of hair covering, if we can respect that whatever anyone is doing is a tremendous effort, we can support instead of criticizing.  

And in the spirit of the next fast (we hope) being Yom Kippur, isn't that how we want HaShem to judge US? that we are really really doing our best?  That wherever we are lenient with ourselves, it is with the sanction of a lenient halachic opinion, because that is where we are.

My dream is to be part of the Respect Revolution - in which we all go out of our way in order to show respect for other (individual and groups of)  Jews: judging them l'kaf zechut, showing respect for their symbols and values, teaching our children to talk respectfully to and about those with whom they do not agree, appreciating their areas of integrity and self-sacrifice, showing our teeth in a smile to one and all.

Which takes us to Tu b'Av - a day in which a man chooses a wife who si wearing borrowed clothing.   What she is wearing does NOT tell you her political opinions or which city she is from.  The hareidi girl is wearing a long "street sweeper" skirt and the modern girl is wearing sleeves to her wrist and a closed collar.   What matters is what is inside.  When we can ignore the "uniforms" and look at what is inside the person, tehn we can mark the happiest day of the year.

Yet Another Parsha Sheet

Today DH went to a Yom Iyun at the Knesset.  11 speakers presented different aspects of the issue "Tefilla on Har HaBayit".   That the parliament hosts these discussions is, in itself, very "cool".   Jewish country,  Jewish topics....  But , let's say that this was a one-time event, even though in reality there are many such Yemei Iyun all the time.  But each stands alone....

What is NOT a one-time event, but is now a regular weekly feature of life in the Israeli Parliament, is the weekly Parsha sheet חכימא.  The sheet is a compilation of divrei Torah related to the parsha and/or time of year, written by MKs, aides, advisors, and Rabbanim.  The editor is a man named Yaron Ungar, a lawyer and legal aide in the legislature and legal research at he Knesset.  His article in this week's חכימא is titled במצוות החוק- in The Command of Justice, bringing quotes from this weeks Haftara (Yeshayahu, perek aleph) and Arba Turim about the necessity of improving our judicial system as a key to Geula.  

On the other side of the page is Rav Drukman's explanation of what exactly we are mourning, and of the expression כי עין בעין יראו, emphasizing that we must use TWO eyes- the eye that sees how much we already have and the eye that sees towards what we are still striving.  

If the nation is reflected by what is happening in the Knesset, then we are also reflected by the beautiful words in this sheet.   These words are very encouraging, because each of us personally can improve our two eyes, our appreciation for what we have and our striving towards what is still missing.  And that second eye can take into account the message Yaron Ungar is teaching - that our individual honesty will affect the honesty of the leadership.  And when honesty is the norm, Hashem promises towards the end of hazon Yeshayahu: ואשיבה שופטייך כבראשונה, ויועצייך כבתחילה.  I will return your judges as at the beginning, and your advisors as at the start.  After that, you (Yerushalaim) will be called City of Justice, a Faithful Quarter.

We have a tradition that leaders have limited Free Will, as their moves are dictated according to what we, the nation, deserve.  (לב מלך ביד ה' - משלי)

Personally, I see this parsha sheet, written, published, distributed and read in the Israeli Knesset, as a sign that we as a nation are moving towards the fulfillment of this ending of the Haftara: ציון במשפט תיפדה ושביה בצדקה

Zion will be redeemed through lawfulness, and her returnees through fairness.

slowly but surely.... קמעא קמעא

keep those two eyes open, and together we will make it happen

It's hard, but it gets easier

An honest relative told me, "when I am here (in galutoronto), I want to be There (in Israel).  But when i am There, I want to be here."

I understand what she is saying.  My family is VERY close-knit.  I grew up in walking distance of 3 of my 4 uncle-aunt couples, most of my great-uncle-aunt couples and all my grandparents.  Mot of my first cousins on my father's side are in walking distance of their parents and attend the same shul.  My parents get together every Motzash with the S siblings for "board meetings".  My siblings zoom to my parents for Friday afternoon potato kugel and chicken, and often walk over for Shabbat meals.  They can also visit during the week (my mum even babysits).  My cousins' children play together.   

Til this last trip, I had not seen my parents in  almost two years, my grandmother in three.

When my aunt packed my bags for returning to Israel, I felt sad that I won't see her for a few more months;  her daughters, who are like sisters to me , and my own sisters and brothers, I do not know when I will next see.  

I am lucky in that i don't want to live in golus.  I feel very attached to Eretz Yisrael, to the development of a Jewish State, even if my personal contributions are minor.  When I visit golus, there is something empty about the air there, even as my relatives are BH very involved in community, hessed and Torah.  There is something stagnant in Torah life there - it is missing the vitality of working towards Geula, of helping to develop a Torah Country with all that that implies.  Of course, that vitality requires hard work too, a type of hard work and stress that exists only in  Eretz Yisrael. 

But I can still see on myself that the conveniences of living so close to family are hard to give up.  And that those things were harder to give up earlier than they are now, 25 years since my first plane ride.  I can see on myself that it is easier for me now to visit galutoronto without even stepping into Zellers, and hitting Baskin-Robbins only once, than it used to be.   

For people making Aliya now, and those still within their first few years of Aliya, it is easy to wish you were "there" when you are Here, because "there" is more familiar, it's what you grew up with, it's family.   That is the reason Hashem commanded (and gave credit to) Avraham Avinu for each of three elements : mi'artzecha- from what is familar; mi'moladetecha - from what you grew up with; u'mi'beit avicha - from family.  

It's hard.

But it does get easier.  

Hey, I even prefer Osem ketchup now.

And, as my daughter said, by coming here, we saved our children from having to make those breaks when they would make Aliya.

"We are going Home"

BH, we got home last night from a three-week visit with family abroad.  We flew via London, so we had four flights, each of which started with  "welcome aboard flight ... to ...."  Well, almost each.   Our flight home started with - in Hebrew, cuz that comes first - "ברוכים הבאים לטיסה 316 הביתה" "Welcome aboard flight 316 going HOME!" 

Now, it doesn't matter if, like one of my lot, this was your first flight back to Israel, or like the woman behind us, you were returning from 7 years in London, or if , for personal reasons, you are still "gar" outside Israel.

Israel, to every Jew, is HOME.

When we landed, everyone applauded.  And, yes, they played the 64-year-old tape of הבאנו שלום עליכם.  And Jews, who were born decades after the end of  thousands of years that Jews hardly dared to dream of seeing Eretz Yisrael, cried.