"I thought that raising my kids here, they'd be so spiritual." A friend said that a couple of weeks ago, and I know exactly what she meant.
My own daughter, who has always been involved in so many Eretz Yisrael experiences - attending WiG demonstrations at 3 months, setting up a games room for kids expelled from Gush Katif when she was only 9, changing the program of her 10th birthday party to writing letters to the parents of Israel's missing soldiers because 2 soldiers were kidnapped that day, reading Arutz Sheva news daily and being addicted to Latma - this same daughter often thanks my husband and myself for making aliya so that she didn't have to.
Just last week, she told her Olah-Hadasha cousin that if she had grown up in a nice large house in Canada with grandparents and cousins around the corner, she is not sure that she could have left all that to make aliyah.
Our children are human. Mitzvot that are easy for us, might be hard for them. Mitzvot that are hard for us, might be "insurmountable challenges" in their eyes.
Or, perhaps, they are keeping the mitzvot, but the fire that we feel for these mitzvot is much dimmer in their souls.
Their priorities in terms of mitzvot might be different than ours.
They might look for a meikel psak where we are davka mahmir. Or compromise where we aim to be steadfast.
Is this a reflection of us as parents?
Or is it a reflection of their own human-ness?
Of the fact that every person has different levels of need for physical comfort, for personal expression, for community belonging and , yes, even for spirituality?
I hope and pray that my children absorb my values becasue I am convinced of my personal beliefs. But do they have to express these values in exactly the same way I do? Are they not allowed to have a yetzer hara, which, if they tell me about it, maybe I can show them examples of people with similar yetzarim who also do / did Retzon HaShem?
Shortly afteer dd's conversation with her cousin, I checked out Rav Haber's parsha email. "Coincidentally", he wrote words that spoke to the heart of this issue.
My own daughter, who has always been involved in so many Eretz Yisrael experiences - attending WiG demonstrations at 3 months, setting up a games room for kids expelled from Gush Katif when she was only 9, changing the program of her 10th birthday party to writing letters to the parents of Israel's missing soldiers because 2 soldiers were kidnapped that day, reading Arutz Sheva news daily and being addicted to Latma - this same daughter often thanks my husband and myself for making aliya so that she didn't have to.
Just last week, she told her Olah-Hadasha cousin that if she had grown up in a nice large house in Canada with grandparents and cousins around the corner, she is not sure that she could have left all that to make aliyah.
Our children are human. Mitzvot that are easy for us, might be hard for them. Mitzvot that are hard for us, might be "insurmountable challenges" in their eyes.
Or, perhaps, they are keeping the mitzvot, but the fire that we feel for these mitzvot is much dimmer in their souls.
Their priorities in terms of mitzvot might be different than ours.
They might look for a meikel psak where we are davka mahmir. Or compromise where we aim to be steadfast.
Is this a reflection of us as parents?
Or is it a reflection of their own human-ness?
Of the fact that every person has different levels of need for physical comfort, for personal expression, for community belonging and , yes, even for spirituality?
I hope and pray that my children absorb my values becasue I am convinced of my personal beliefs. But do they have to express these values in exactly the same way I do? Are they not allowed to have a yetzer hara, which, if they tell me about it, maybe I can show them examples of people with similar yetzarim who also do / did Retzon HaShem?
Shortly afteer dd's conversation with her cousin, I checked out Rav Haber's parsha email. "Coincidentally", he wrote words that spoke to the heart of this issue.
http://www.torahlab.org/calendar/article/raising_cain/?utm_source=Raising+Cain+2+-+Rabbi+Yaacov+Haber&utm_campaign=noach+2012&utm_medium=email
And, while I have learnt that parents should not despair if their children are not exactly as they had wanted, I do think that my parents should certainly see much nahat and take some credit for the fact that their many children, who are all living "different lifestyles", are all involved in Torah AND community. There are, after all, 70 facets to Torah, and each child and grandchild spreads the glow of a different facet.
And, while I have learnt that parents should not despair if their children are not exactly as they had wanted, I do think that my parents should certainly see much nahat and take some credit for the fact that their many children, who are all living "different lifestyles", are all involved in Torah AND community. There are, after all, 70 facets to Torah, and each child and grandchild spreads the glow of a different facet.
I think that your children's spirituality and pride and patriotism for Israel is only a reflection of their excellent upbringing and chinuch - by YOU.
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