I read a great line about parenting kids with issues: "You (the parents) aren't the problem, but you can be the solution." I think that is very true. It's probably not our fault that our kids have whatever special needs or problems they have, but with some guidance and lots of love, we can help them overcome most challenges.
Last night, P (dh) and I did our monthly "Sayeret Horim" patrol. Sayaret Horim is a something we REALLY LOVE about living in Israel. In Canada, it is easy to think that the kids hanging out on the streets at night are not our problem. But here in Eretz Yisrael, any kid in trouble is OUR kid, a Jewish neshama. Of course a person should help whomever , wherever, whenever. But when we do this type of work HERE, we are building the Jewish Nation.
I want to start with some background. Israel is not Canada. Israel is a country which was very much built by youth, without parents. Starting 130 years ago, Jewish teens and young adults moved to Eretz Yisrael to settle the land, to build our nation. They were followed by more youth - partly because it was too hard for families to come, the physical work required at the time was best handled by young idealists. And partly, 80 to 60 years ago, because parents sent their children ahead of them when the nazis came to power, later, the youth had an easier time escaping than older people, and finally, after the Holocaust, again, it was the youth that were most able to rebuild their lives under the difficult conditions of hard physical work combined with british police assisting arab terror and preventing Jewish immigration. The youngest registered "soldier" killed in the war of Independence in 5708 was 9 years old!!!
The kibbutzim also perpetuated the "non-parenting" by having Batei Yeladim and people taking turns minding the children. Children also had to work hard and do their share, and prepare to be soldiers, doing insanely dangerous hikes and sport activities in order to be ready for the compulsory draft at age 18. Parenting, as we from North America know it, is truly a luxury that we were gifted with in our affluent countries of birth.
Israel has also always been a much more innocent country than Canada or the US. In grade 13, we were taken on a tour of the University of Toronto and warned to never walk around certain parts of campus after dark alone, as even male students have been attacked. Two years later, when I studied in Hebrew U, I did shemira (like everyone else) in the middle of the night with a male partner whom I had never met before in my life. Now, I am sure that bad things did happen in Israel then too, but it was different. In our night-time patrol of the campus, we didn't see so much as a bottle of beer, certainly no drugs or violence.
Yes, things here have changed in 24 years. In the past few years, the scene in Israel (and in religious communities world-over) has become nasty. BH, it doesn't compare to downtown TO, but there is a lot of work to do. And I am grateful that P and I have the zechut to be part of this holy work.
Last night, we saw not just how much the teens appreciate the Parents' Patrol, which makes them feel safe, and they know they can talk to us about ANYTHING. We also saw that firm, loving parenting itself is a solution. Most of the kids we see out at midnight+ are just hanging out innocently. But there were a few kids with beer. And at 12:10 am, a father (Israeli born and bred) went out , found his son and brought him back home stating very clearly, "You WILL NOT sit in a group in which some kids are drinking!" This kid now knows his father's rules and knows that his father cares about him enough to get out of bed and bring him home rather than leave him in a potentially dangerous situation. He knows that his parents have not "given up" on him.
This made me think: these kids who are out here who are drinking, or rolling up their long skirts to be miniskirts - if their parents came out after midnight and brought them home, wouldn't that help? I realize that some of these parents probably need some professional guidance as to how to bring their kids home in a positive way. We volunteers also had professional courses in order to know how to make the kids feel comfortable with us. To my mind, and from what I hear from these kids, if their parents could learn how to relate to them in a constructive way, the kids really do want to be taken home, given a hug and some brownies/ cookies/ pretzels and told in no uncertain terms, "We WILL NOT allow you to slide down that slippery slope. We will do everything it takes, get all the professional help we can, in order to keep you safe."
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